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Question: My husband and I have been married for about a year and a half. 5 months into our marriage I found out that he had this “secret friendship” with a much younger girl who we worked with. I found pictures of her on his phone which prompted me to look at our phone records. They would text each other all day, everyday and had a few conversations were they talked for over an hour. when I brought it to his and her attention that I knew about their “relationship” they both denied that any thing physical happened, they stated that they were only friends. There was no evidence to make me believe that anything physical ever happened, but i have my doubts and feel that they were at least flirting with other which i feel is cheating. A huge trust issue was developed due to him and her lying to me. I requested that he stop talking to her and have nothing to do with her. A few months later I found out that they were still talking. This made me lose even more trust in my husband. The place where they were working eventually closed and once they stopped working together a lot of the anxiety, fears, and doubts that I had about them being together kinda went away.

However just recently I found out that He has gotten back in contact with an ex-girlfriend. I found out about this as well and when I brought it up, he again lied to me.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t trust my husband. There is no evidence that he has ever cheated on me but I have so many doubts and can’t trust him. we have 2 month old twin girls, I don’t want to see our marriage fall apart but I don’t understand what would motivate him to search out these other women when he says that he is happy with me and loves me. What should I do and why does he lie to me?

Answer: Dear Disappointed Wife,

You and your husband need to see a therapist for marital therapy. As you mentioned, there are serious trust issues. At the least he is having emotional affairs with these women. You are right to question why he is seeking out these woman when he is newly married with two month old twin daughters. These issues need to be addressed sooner rather than later to see if you can get your marriage back on track. Good luck.

Response by Dr. Andrea Benn