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Please note that replies are provided for informational and educational purposes only and are intended to support and complement — not replace — any existing relationship between a reader and their mental healthcare professional. This is NOT an emergency service or a therapy service, and it is not suitable for addressing suicidal or homicidal intent. If you are feeling suicidal, please call 911.

Sex Question

Question:

Hello: I have a problem, a BIG one, I have been married for 20 yrs now and myself and my wife have for the most part had a good sex life but for the past few years sex hasn’t been the greatest and I am sure that has to do with her going through the “change” as she has told me, so I have dealt with it as best a I know how, when we are having sex I have heard her say things like “please hurry up” under her breath of course and other subtle things that have made me feel like she isn’t interested, now I have read about a lot of men having the same problem so I know I am not alone in this BUT lately we have been working on it but my head is screwed up I am having trouble cumming and I know its in my head, I cant get the thoughts out I.E. is she enjoying herself, does she even want to do it, etc…, how do I get back to being Read more…

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Rating: 8.6/10 (29 votes cast)

This post was submitted by Thomas.

Tuesday, February 8th, 2011 at 12:34

I am so afraid of my husband

Question: My husband and my son was playing a game, my son called my husband an ass because he used and inappropriate name for his character in the game.

My husband comes to me, says “that’s it I am not playing any games with him” his face is lit up and furious. When I go and see him I asked him what happened, asked him if he didn’t had part in what happened. My husband is OCD and uses a lot of profane derogatory names for characters, and will go on a foul talk rampage. The entire day he was fuming, I was trying to have a conversation to talk to him about it refused. Later in the evening he blows up, and he goes off that he is leaving the house, or I am leaving the house. We are done, he doesn’t love me, he says he is going to move on his own to just take care of himself, I can take care of the kids, he wants nothing to do with me. He is foaming off the mouth that is how rage he is. My son says that he is acting really ridiculous, and tells him to calm down. My son apologizes to him for what he said, and he is not listening. I am crying and very upset. Finally after it all has calmed down, my husband realizes that he has been out of line, and calms down, and apologizes profusely. I cry the entire time, I take a shower and can not stop crying, I know that what I had gone through was so traumatic I could not stop crying. He was embarrassed and apologetic. I am lost for words, and I so afraid of my husband. Our sex life has been non existent for the past 11 years, he is not the husband that goes out and buys me a gift, pampers me, does not know how to be affectionate and he blames it on his OCD. I have suggested that he needs to see a psychologist and says no.

What can I do?

Answer:

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Rating: 4.8/10 (30 votes cast)

This post was submitted by Cath.

Thursday, December 23rd, 2010 at 13:24

Teenager Help

Question: Our 16 boy is stuggling in high school. He hates it and is failing 3 of his classes. I got him a tutor but he did not go. (He has a car and drives himself everywhere). He is very capable of doing his homework but just refuses. He tells me he is dumb so why do the work. During the summer he got his own jobs of building brick walls, mailboxes and repairing driveways. He is self motivated if it is something HE wants to do. I am at a loss as what to do…. GED is out of the question, I could barely get him to make up one of his classes this pass summer. We are about to take away his truck tonight and I know this will cause turmoil in our home. What else can I do?

Answer: Hi Kim,

It seems clear that your son is discouraged about school and he likely is feeling overwhelmed and possibly depressed or anxious. As a parent, it can be very difficult to discern what is going on inside of a teenagers head. Some teenagers share a lot with their parents when life gets rough, while other teens close themselves off from the world and their parents when they encounter adversities. A starting point is to Read more…

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Rating: 7.7/10 (9 votes cast)

This post was submitted by Kim.

Wednesday, November 10th, 2010 at 14:18

biopolar disorder

Question: I have a 22 year old son who was recently diagnosed with bipolar. He has tried several psychologists but has not liked any of them. He is a good person, likeable – I don’t understand what goes on. He is now on Lexapro and living with me. He says he is looking for a job and I believe him, yet most of the time is spent in his room “recording” music. He truly believes he is going to create something to change his life. I do not know what to think.

My other problem is I need to talk to someone about his moods, etc – yet he would not sign a release for me last time when he was in trouble so I couldn’t talk to the psychiatrist. This is so frustrating. What is a family member to do?

Answer: Bipolar Disorder is a very treatable mental illness nowadays. The recommended course of treatment is typically a combination of medication and psychotherapy. It’s unfortunate your son has not been able to find a psychologist he likes yet. But sometimes it can take a while to find the right match. Not all psychologists are the same. They have varying therapeutic orientations, as well as different personalities. Hopefully your son has not given up in his search. One of the best ways to help someone with Bipolar Disorder is by encouraging proper treatment. Read more…

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Rating: 9.5/10 (18 votes cast)

This post was submitted by Laura.

Tuesday, September 7th, 2010 at 12:49

Marriage problems

Question: My husband and I have been married for about a year and a half. 5 months into our marriage I found out that he had this “secret friendship” with a much younger girl who we worked with. I found pictures of her on his phone which prompted me to look at our phone records. They would text each other all day, everyday and had a few conversations were they talked for over an hour. when I brought it to his and her attention that I knew about their “relationship” they both denied that any thing physical happened, they stated that they were only friends. There was no evidence to make me believe that anything physical ever happened, but i have my doubts and feel that they were at least flirting with other which i feel is cheating. A huge trust issue was developed due to him and her lying to me. I requested that he stop talking to her and have nothing to do with her. A few months later Read more…

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Rating: 7.4/10 (8 votes cast)

This post was submitted by Disappointed Wife.

Monday, August 30th, 2010 at 11:47

anger problem

Question: I get mad a people and tend to raise my voice, me and my girl friend got in to a fight because i got mad over some thing that could of be controlled by talking it out how can i control yelling at her. any tips on making me calm down before some thing like this happens again, because I think she is about done with it and we just got engaged.

Answer: It’s normal to get angry. We all get angry from time to time. However, people differ in the ways they manage and express their anger. As you probably know already, uncontrolled anger can have a very negative impact on interpersonal relationships. Yelling only Read more…

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Rating: 9.5/10 (15 votes cast)

This post was submitted by kevin.

Thursday, August 19th, 2010 at 13:27

Daughter Having Trouble Coping with Divorce

Question: My ex and I split up 2 years ago. I met someone else not long after. We no have a 9 month girl together, his 3 children from his previous marriage, along with my 9 year old daughter from my previous marriage. She has not adjusted to the change; she seems to be actually be getting worse. She does not listen to anything that we tell her and refuses to obey any rules that we have set. She back talks every time she is asked to do something. She cries every time she is told “no.” Her grades are also have also dropped. Her father hardly ever calls or sees her when he says he is going to. I know that has to be hard on her too. I get no help from him except for a check every month. I have tried talking to her and have tried grounding her. Nothing seems to help. Is there anything I can do for her?

Answer: Research indicates that it takes approximately two years for children to adjust after their parents’ divorce. Blending the families is another adjustment that can be very challenging. Your daughter’s life changed significantly from having two parents with whom she probably had undivided attention to being part of a much larger family system that includes four siblings. The three children from your partner’s previous marriage are a unit. You and your new partner have a 9-month old child together. Your daughter may feel like she on the outside looking in. Not only has she had to deal with the loss of primary attention from you, she has the grief of the loss of her dad being involved on a day to day basis.

The key to your daughter’s situation is to begin Read more…

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Rating: 8.2/10 (5 votes cast)

This post was submitted by Kara.

Family

Question: Hello. I live with my mother and I am 19 years old male. She is very dominant person, and she always wants to command the people around her. I don’t like when she does the same with me. I don’t know how to stop her influencing my character and identity. Sometimes I can see my mother reflected in my own bodily movements or hear her voice when I speak. Is there any way I can change it and make my personality independent of hers?

Answer: It sounds like your mother has continued to treat you as if you were still a very young child. And it is likely that you are responding to her the way you did when you were much younger. You would benefit from therapy which focuses on helping you establish your independence and autonomy. This should automatically include helping you create new parameters regarding your relationship with your mother and feeling more grounded about your identity.

Response by Dr. Andrea Benn

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Rating: 8.3/10 (3 votes cast)

This post was submitted by Mende.

Monday, June 14th, 2010 at 12:35

relationship with mom

Question: Today my mom found out that I have a tattoo and she threw a tantrum. She is so angry that she’s not talking to me anymore and she said she doesn’t want to talk to me again and for me to do whatever the hell I want. I got the tattoo because of all the things I’ve been through in the past and it’s very important to me. She says that if I really cared about her and wasn’t, then I would not have committed this ‘mistake’. Read more…

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Rating: 7.8/10 (5 votes cast)

This post was submitted by fabi.

dont know what else to do

Question: I have struggled all my life with trying to have healthy relationships, but i keep failing over and over. I had ten years of intense therapy with an excellent psychologist. I healed, improved, and changed many things within myself and in my life. The psychologist i was seeing told me during the process of therapy that i was her hardest client but also the one who did the most work and made the most improvement. It has been over two years since i stopped therapy with her. her and i are now friends–she had to ethically wait two years. So much has happened these two years and like a slap in the face i realize that the number one thing that i needed to resolve – and gave my heart and soul to resolve for ten years- has not at all been resolved. This one thing: to be able to have healthy close relationships. Read more…

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Rating: 9.2/10 (20 votes cast)

This post was submitted by Bettie.

Monday, May 31st, 2010 at 21:44